fingerprints and time erased
sea salt and your figure
blazed against the bluest skyline.
here i sit, now
on an empty bench
overlooking our ocean.
ships sink into the horizon
and starfish line the water's edge
echoing a soul
you threw back for me.
knees,
pressed against a pointy chin
you gave to me.
if i were in another place
i would pollute these purpled veins
with another cigarette.
and i remember something
you said to me,
that the truest love,
would exist beyond this
and seep beneath
these hands
i ring, so real.
and you would look down
from where it is that you are
to see this body, absent
of the ideals it once held
so firmly, forgotten.
and how i love you still,
and how i walk with you
when i am sure you still hear my words
and hold my shoulders together,
that they might fall off
from the weight of these thoughts.

april 2000

time creeps towards another morning
and i am blanketed naked in this bed of dreams
i built, vainly, for myself.
that i lost, saturated with doubt and dripping of disbelief.
time creeps towards another day,
i will end with nothing to prove
the permanence of my existance, again.
time creeps towards these limbs,
and towards this face,
a written verification of what it is
that i have not done, that i have not said.
time creeps through these veins,
reminding me to begin again-
and yet, i cannot fulfill
this measure
only to lie
half-hearted, half-hated
within this bed of dreams.

may 2000

greenness up on top of that hill / overlooking malibu / and all of the pretty pretty houses. / used to sit up there and dream /
looking down, wondering what it would be like to / fall..... /
into you, into memory, if not anything else. /
autumn winds and depression / a song that nobody else can hear. / blackness like understandable-who could ever see inside of that? / my hopes seldom come true / and all i can think about-well he doesn't think about me. / teasing myself into believing that this all meant something more / and realizing that somehow it adds up to nothing more than it's parts. / perhaps to find that someday in sickness or in health-just a silly little daydream-nothing more.

march 2000

honesty / lay it down / sing sourly / in compliance /with what we both are saying. / beauty / swing boldly by /
and gather us both / under your spell. /
truth / as though divine / weaves with invisible thread /
its fable /unfeathered. /
laughter / releasing energy /
wafts gently throughout this room. /
believe it now, / time does not exist / in this place / with you.

january 2000

words lost themselves on you. /
i built up a suit / as though i were a soldier / and with it /
tried to bring you in. / words meant nothing in the game /
we played / by moon's light. / still, i built a mask /
beautiful reds and oranges /
to seem wiser / to seem brighter / for you. /
words i spoke / you weren't listening. /
still, i carved them cautiously / so you'd see what i wanted you to. /
words, i whispered them /
so you'd love / someone else / hiding in my skin.

january 2000

unyielding dream / words thoughtlessly spoken /
can unravel / in your love songs / not quite written. /
your tingling smile / and obsessive self-doubts /
were once again / ringing across the table.

may 1999