A SENSE OF INSTABILITY

I've got a jar where I keep the demons that make me happy. I've got a pocket full of words that can't be said. I've got a box full of ideas that are too large. I've got a life lived on the edge of the beginning of a Hemingway novel. I've packed all my baggage into the trunk of a red Ford Mustang that's teetering on the edge of a cliff and I'm holding my breath, trying to keep my balance, waiting to be rescued.

One by one the tiny drops collect in the pool. One by one they trace their way down the curves and wrinkles to the end of the line. Then like lovers torn apart by circumstance, they commit to tragedy, falling to their deaths to be wiped away by the Kleenex of memory.

The Blood rushes through his veins with a new drug this time. Beating so fast he can feel the tiny rushes as the vessels pop. The room spins as time stands still, waiting for the water to boil over. Knuckles turn white as fingernails dig deeper into self destruction. His brain shuts off and lets his body do the talking.

Wrinkles and creases and lines and words and memories of melodies not sung for years. Dust and moths and cobwebs and rips and tears and holes and being told you're not wanted anymore. You used to be something. You used to be good enough but now you're thrown into a box or shoved under the bed. Hoping maybe one day your worth will be realized.

I'm falling in front of you, for you, over you.
won't you reach down and pick me up?

I will never rely on you for anything, deny you anything,
or ask you for anything that I can get myself.

I only ask you to be spackle to fix the holes
where the rain gets in.

I ask you to be Bob Vila for my soul
because it's a real fixer-upper.

I ask you to be a plumber
to unclog my brain's drains.

I ask you to be the other one of my shoes
and complete all my pairs...

If I am the sun be my moon
If I am the sea be my shore
If I am the earth be my sky
being my sky be my air and
let me breathe you.

Take the place of what I am without and
fill the void left by what I no longer need.

spider web fragile memories
melting to far places
in my melodramatic
minds eye.

spending days in
close quarter corners
contemplating
our state of real-ality,
crying
in coffee shop kisses,
laughing
with jello pudding
smiley faces,
meeting
in the middle of
daily dramas.

I held you up
for myself so I could
see you,
your strength,
my weakness for your
mysteries.
Foolishly flaunting
my faults,
falling
into
and out of
my mind,
melting at the mention
of the names
that brought back to life
living in the lifetime
of a moment.

Like a monster you
scared me,
still do,
still have the power
to make me sleep
with my Sesame St. night light
to keep me kissing
at strangers
to keep me wishing
on wishy-washy stars
to keep me listening
to your tangerine lies.

But your superior
exhales of indifference
show me exactly where
I fit in.
Tearing me apart
at the seams.

Carrying the weight of hopelessness

on my tired shoulders

reveals everything that I meant to

say to you in the first place.

Let me forget the regret.

Let me go on,

I can't make it with you or without you.

Either way I lose what I have become.

I thank you for everything,

but please take it all back.

A trial of clothing, a half brushed set of teeth,
an overdose of nyquil, a set of eyes barely able to see,
a pair of hands barely able to see, a pair of hands groping
in the dark looking for the bed. A bed hard but welcomed,
A pillow long and ununiform in composition,
A blanket with history, a history book on the floor,
a chemistry book on the floor, an algebra book on the floor,
a report on the floor, a test on the floor,
but once this head hits that pillow all is forgotten
for another three to four hours

much love to you all

love is such an odd undefinable word,

a virtual feast for the senses

an endless journey with no

possible destination

that just travels on and on

into who knows where,

always searching for new twists.

And it will always leave you

in a state of longing

as you search for more

You can't fight it

or hide it, so don't bother to try

the good news is you can always find it

because it is the one true necessity

and nobody is ever unloved.

everyone has a someone, a family,

and everyone has at least one good chance.

And with every deep, full

breath you take

you'll find yourself

and you'll find that

you've found that

love has found you.

Meari Keating

Morning. Coffee black as the sweater my friend left on the floor last night. Glass shattered on the cold tile floor. Music loud. Bed still looks warm maybe just for a moment i'll go lie down. Dreams broken shattered by the sound of my grandmother's voice. Dreams broken on the cold tile floor. Blood cut by glass. Door flies open and slams shut and i'm back on the street again. My street the one everyone's passed on their way to bigger better things. And i'm all alone the only pedestrian in a world of cars.

Meari Keating

come a little closer

smile a little longer

sing a little softer in my ear

i want to want you forever

i want to have a chance of my own

i want to know you a little better

i want to look at you and see more

than just your face

Meari Keating

you stand in starlight

over looking the sea

unaware of all the surprises

that wait for you

all the newborn winds that caress your neck

the golden honey lips

and the puppy dog looks from dark, trusting eyes

and all those other wonderful things

that too often come with the ants and the flies

and the bumps in the road,

but it all evens out to the best rolls of film

and the best books of tales

in the end it's always worth it

whether you win big or fail

Meari Keating

kiss me at midnight

'til i melt in your arms

sing me to sleep

as we sway in the breeze

make me a castle where everyone smiles

and a road we can walk down for miles and miles,

'til our mornings rise

Daylight will shatter our nighttime of dreams

but i'll hold on to you

'til you're gone

then hold on to you in my dreams

dreaming the night away

Meari Keating

can i look into your sketchbook

can i gaze into your soul

can i rip out all the pages

can i glue in what fell out

can i build for you a memory

can i create for you a dream

can i dance a dance for only you

can i share what can't be seen

and can i have a page of my own

to look back on and laugh about?

Meari Keating

southern sunsets

open fields,

morning glow.

everything made to order

while tiptoe-ing through the tulips

as the hills roll away in the back of our minds

now green things grow and flowers fly

as we watch them from our

tea parties on the porch out behind the house

with long days and longer nights

and instant coffee mornings

watching vermilion skies.

Meari Keating

a swimming pool of emotions

a dizzying pinwheel

a blinding spotlight

a fast burning paper

it drowns,

it spins, it blinds,

it disappears.

Meari Keating

a smile and a nod and

slowly its all falling away in the rich colors

of leaves that I'll gather and keep

and not have to worry about anymore

cause they are safe on the ground

I no longer have to stay up nights.

I no longer have to force myself to forget

I've realized the beauty in reflections,

in leaves, in everything

I've got nothing more to lose

and even I wouldn't mind losing it because

with everything I lose I find something better

and manage to breathe a sigh of relief.

Meari Keating