My Fire

The fire's on. A thesaurus can't help you now. You need all of the frustration, creativity, and integrity it takes to make it work. The elimination process (draft after draft until you've acquired teenage arthritis in your writing hand and drop-kicked the printer for disagreeing with you on a bad day) lights your fire.

"You need all of the
frustration, creativity, and integrity
it takes to make it work."

On a daily basis you pry yourself from the conversation about the newest rumor in school and try to figure out why you can't "edit undo" the slick move that just erased your perfect visual.

You start to get down to the nitty gritty when you beg your neighbor for an extra disk because the one you want, no, the one you need to save on is full. You want to cry when the idiot sitting across from you tapping his feet to music you probably don't even like, kicks the life support plug to your portfolio causing your computer to shut off right as you were about to save your ten-page typed poem on what it is exactly about him that drives you crazy. Frustration plus process equals quality results. It's all for you. Do it for yourself.

This is what I am; this is what I do. I don't believe in doing the assignment for the sole purpose of the grade. The frustration is what fuels my fire. I could glide through life by book smarts or I could make every single thing a learning experience, my experience, each unique to me, which pushes me to become a wholesome individual. Settling for the grayness of half effort will never live up to working hard and knowing my feeling of satisfaction.

I found this within me and within the assignment. A year's worth of work that culminated with a portfolio of my best work (writing and designing). Work which modeled tools that I used to demonstrate progress as a writer and as a human being. The tools that I discovered: frustration, revision/editing, and integrity, kept me motivated and allowed me to put my blood, sweat, and tears into my portfolio. The assignment turned into a quest for what makes my sparks fly and I found that these tools, which I pinpointed so perfectly, were what pushes me through every task. I found that I can implement these untensils throughout my whole life. I found myself. I found my fire.

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