A SENSE OF INSTABILITY
I've got a jar where I keep the demons that make me happy. I've got a pocket full of words that can't be said. I've got a box full of ideas that are too large. I've got a life lived on the edge of the beginning of a Hemingway novel. I've packed all my baggage into the trunk of a red Ford Mustang that's teetering on the edge of a cliff and I'm holding my breath, trying to keep my balance, waiting to be rescued.
A SENSE OF TEARS
One by one the tiny drops collect in the pool. One by one they trace their way down the curves and wrinkles to the end of the line. Then like lovers torn apart by circumstance, they commit to tragedy, falling to their deaths to be wiped away by the Kleenex of memory.
A SENSE OF HATE
The Blood rushes through his veins with a new drug this time. Beating so fast he can feel the tiny rushes as the vessels pop. The room spins as time stands still, waiting for the water to boil over. Knuckles turn white as fingernails dig deeper into self destruction. His brain shuts off and lets his body do the talking.
A SENSE OF OLD
Wrinkles and creases and lines and
words and memories of melodies not sung for years. Dust and moths and
cobwebs and rips and tears and holes and being told you're not wanted
anymore. You used to be something. You used to be good enough but now
you're thrown into a box or shoved under the bed. Hoping maybe one
day your worth will be
ODE TO WHOEVER COMES NEXT
I'm falling in front of you, for
you, over you.
won't you reach down and pick me up?
I will never rely on you for
anything, deny you anything,
or ask you for anything that I can get myself.
I only ask you to be spackle to
fix the holes
where the rain gets in.
I ask you to be Bob Vila for my
because it's a real fixer-upper.
I ask you to be a plumber
to unclog my brain's drains.
I ask you to be the other one of
and complete all my pairs...
If I am the sun be my moon
If I am the sea be my shore
If I am the earth be my sky
being my sky be my air and
let me breathe you.
Take the place of what I am
fill the void left by what I no longer need.
spider web fragile memories
melting to far places
in my melodramatic
spending days in
close quarter corners
our state of real-ality,
in coffee shop kisses,
with jello pudding
in the middle of
I held you up
for myself so I could
my weakness for your
and out of
melting at the mention
of the names
that brought back to life
living in the lifetime
of a moment.
Like a monster you
still have the power
to make me sleep
with my Sesame St. night light
to keep me kissing
to keep me wishing
on wishy-washy stars
to keep me listening
to your tangerine lies.
But your superior
exhales of indifference
show me exactly where
I fit in.
Tearing me apart
at the seams.
Carrying the weight of hopelessness
on my tired shoulders
reveals everything that I meant to
say to you in the first place.
Let me forget the regret.
Let me go on,
I can't make it with you or without you.
Either way I lose what I have become.
I thank you for everything,
but please take it all back.
Sense of Exhausion
A trial of clothing, a half
brushed set of teeth,
an overdose of nyquil, a set of eyes barely able to see,
a pair of hands barely able to see, a pair of hands groping
in the dark looking for the bed. A bed hard but welcomed,
A pillow long and ununiform in composition,
A blanket with history, a history book on the floor,
a chemistry book on the floor, an algebra book on the floor,
a report on the floor, a test on the floor,
but once this head hits that pillow all is forgotten
for another three to four hours
This is a special poem for the holidays
especially for my family who i can't be with
this thanksgiving holiday season
i miss you all and am always thinking of you
much love to you all
love is such an odd undefinable word,
a virtual feast for the senses
an endless journey with no
that just travels on and on
into who knows where,
always searching for new twists.
And it will always leave you
in a state of longing
as you search for more
You can't fight it
or hide it, so don't bother to try
the good news is you can always find it
because it is the one true necessity
and nobody is ever unloved.
everyone has a someone, a family,
and everyone has at least one good chance.
And with every deep, full
breath you take
you'll find yourself
and you'll find that
you've found that
love has found you.
Morning. Coffee black as the sweater my friend left on the floor last night. Glass shattered on the cold tile floor. Music loud. Bed still looks warm maybe just for a moment i'll go lie down. Dreams broken shattered by the sound of my grandmother's voice. Dreams broken on the cold tile floor. Blood cut by glass. Door flies open and slams shut and i'm back on the street again. My street the one everyone's passed on their way to bigger better things. And i'm all alone the only pedestrian in a world of cars.
UNTITLED (series 2 number 3)
come a little closer
smile a little longer
sing a little softer in my ear
i want to want you forever
i want to have a chance of my own
i want to know you a little better
i want to look at you and see more
than just your face
you stand in starlight
over looking the sea
unaware of all the surprises
that wait for you
all the newborn winds that caress your neck
the golden honey lips
and the puppy dog looks from dark, trusting eyes
and all those other wonderful things
that too often come with the ants and the flies
and the bumps in the road,
but it all evens out to the best rolls of film
and the best books of tales
in the end it's always worth it
whether you win big or fail
KISS ME AT MIDNIGHT
kiss me at midnight
'til i melt in your arms
sing me to sleep
as we sway in the breeze
make me a castle where everyone smiles
and a road we can walk down for miles and miles,
'til our mornings rise
Daylight will shatter our nighttime of dreams
but i'll hold on to you
'til you're gone
then hold on to you in my dreams
dreaming the night away
CAN I ?
can i look into your sketchbook
can i gaze into your soul
can i rip out all the pages
can i glue in what fell out
can i build for you a memory
can i create for you a dream
can i dance a dance for only you
can i share what can't be seen
and can i have a page of my own
to look back on and laugh about?
SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR
everything made to order
while tiptoe-ing through the tulips
as the hills roll away in the back of our minds
now green things grow and flowers fly
as we watch them from our
tea parties on the porch out behind the house
with long days and longer nights
and instant coffee mornings
watching vermilion skies.
a swimming pool of emotions
a dizzying pinwheel
a blinding spotlight
a fast burning paper
it spins, it blinds,
a smile and a nod and
slowly its all falling away in the rich colors
of leaves that I'll gather and keep
and not have to worry about anymore
cause they are safe on the ground
I no longer have to stay up nights.
I no longer have to force myself to forget
I've realized the beauty in reflections,
in leaves, in everything
I've got nothing more to lose
and even I wouldn't mind losing it because
with everything I lose I find something better
and manage to breathe a sigh of relief.