The following is a series of journal entries chronicling change


My thoughts are lost
They are scattered
My mind is blank
my heart feels out of place
My style is out of its element
I have no one to speak with
I feel there's no one to share my dreams with

I'm lost. My physical body is here
I'm barely getting around.
My mind is out, it's free from this hell I've been encountering
My mind dwells on memories that help push one foot in front of the other.



They wouldn't understand why I'm leaving,
They don't understand why I came

They couldn't seem to figure me out.
They couldn't open their minds to my different life style or my needs.

They don't know how I care,
how I cry, or how I hurt.
They just don't understand.


Living day by day
Will I make it and survive this hell
Would I leave with people understanding my yearning to break out
my rush to be normal in a society where
I'm not judged or looked upon differently
Where I blend in with the environment
My head rises high
My pride shows in and out
My friends are just that, Friends
plus they stay true.


My thoughts unregistered and uncompleted
my heart's aching to be free
my lonesome misses you
my tears can no longer cry of pain
my emptiness sighs in conversation
my mind continuously thinks of being happy again
could one or would one ever think this is from all
being home sick?


My prayers finally answered
My thoughts now in peace
Sighs of relief
I'm home,
I'm home!
I can shout those words
off the Hotel del
I prance with glee
My inner soul lies peacefully
My heart beats now normally
I love the fact I'm home
My dreams will continue
as followed...


Awaken from your soft warm sleep by the alarm on your stereo as it flashes the time while the DJ's yell uncontrollably loud to be annoying. You've risen from your unmade queen size bed to jump into the shower. As you quickly dress yourself you glance at the clock and wonder if you'll make it on time. One last look at your unmade bed and you think to yourself, "I'll have time to make it after school." Your rushing out the door. Didn't even get a chance to eat a complete breakfast. Only one that comes in packaging or even one that you may need to get at a close by fast food restaurant.

Most importantly you didn't get a chance to give your mom and dad one last hug or one last kiss good-bye. It's not your fault, you didn't know that once you left your safe home, you wouldn't be returning, by the horror and terror that waited you at your destination.

*Dedicated to all victims in Littleton, Colorado*

Melissa Escobedo 4/21/99

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